There aren’t any good single men around living in New York City. It seems like that’s what everyone says to us. And when Deanna* relocated to the city near the end of 2021 it was her turn to determine if there was any truth in this claim. Newly single after her three-year boyfriend broke up with her on Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was around this time that a private Facebook group called Are we Dating the Same Guy NYC appeared as an ideal follower. It had a rigorous prescreen survey and community guidelines that acted as a barrier for entry. It also had a membership of four-and-a-half million members strong. Deanna was interested and so she joined.
The community
The group-which was established with the sole purpose of helping women check if their potential partners were dating other people – was established in the month of March 2022. It is believed that nearly every large US city has a similar group today and the rules for everyone are clear: Anyone has the right to make posts anonymously, there’s no doxxing or posting sensitive information and in no circumstance can screenshots be taken away from the group. No bullies, no victim-blaming, no hate speech. Never inform a man that he’s been added to the group.Join Us https://datingfortodaysman.com/ website In the wake the scandal of West Elm Caleb, one man with whom a number of women in New York shared negative dating experiences and connected the dots online, it became apparent that lots of women were looking to find a way to seek out the other guys who shared similar experiences. According to one TikTok user commented that time This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
That’s more or less what the group had turned into as of the time Deanna joined. Every time a new version of Are We Dating the Same Guy serves as a gathering place for women who seek romance advice or warn about people with whom they’ve had unpleasant dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is being a method of emailing other women to lure them through social media has also become a common practice. It’s not difficult to slip into a rabbit tunnel of screenshots of Hinge profiles, stories of a failed hookup, and memes about the difficulties of modern-day dating. Many of the most popular posts contain photos of a guy with his first name, and asking what kind of person has matched or been in contact with the person who is in question. Emojis with red flags are a common sight on seemingly unimportant but alarming posts warning of an ex-partner or bad encounter usually accompanied by the downward-pointing arrow and the scary phrase See comments for more info.
Online dating has dominated our lives in recent years the last few years, with one study showing that 39 percent of heterosexual couples found their partners online. It is therefore logical that the romance element that involves social interaction should be modified to fit the current digital age. Instead, of sitting with small groups of acquaintances over a drink or venting with coworkers, we are now seeking advice from 43,000 women who are going through similar and, in some cases very similar-experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie who is a group member. Not to say that there aren’t some advantages that exist however it was beneficial to myself in terms of clarifying my thinking about dating. There’s no competition against other girls, it’s holding men to a much higher quality than I did before.
It’s obvious to me that certain behavior that’s facilitated and promoted in Are We the Dating the Same Guy is concerning if displayed by potential suitors. Photos, details of private conversations, and screenshots shared without the consent of the other party or knowledge are abundant. People look through social media profiles on a near daily basis. It doesn’t take long for a romantic date to be taken off the table. Although Deanna enjoys being a part crowd, she has reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she adds. But I believe you’ll have to deal with the fact that it becomes an echo chamber where men have repeatedly pushed us for so long and now we’re ready to give it back.
We are still living in an era of patriarchy
The world is still an environment of patriarchy. Therefore, until we’re truly equal on the internet, these interactions will be different in their impact based on the individual’s background. However, can a group like this be an active source of empowerment on one side of the coin and deplorable and inhumane on the other? Are We Dating the Same Guy? Hyperlocal and interconnected, which is only beneficial to individuals who reside and date in the city where the group is based in. The women and men they post about can be your neighbor and coworker or friend, relative, or perhaps your most current Hinge match. And yet, there’s a loss of personalization which comes with using the internet, making it feel like playing a game. It’s no stretch for me to say this is in opposition on the dates that are part of both groups-especially when the details of private conversations, interactions, and even photos were shared without permission or knowledge, and often to serve the sole purpose of entertainment.